God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
