that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
