Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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