I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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