I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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