Me. At least after what I've been through.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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