I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
