I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I didn't notice because vodka
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
