I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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