Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
