Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
