I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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