I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
50% drunk capacity currently
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
