Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
