I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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