playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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