So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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