now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
