garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
