I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
