Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Who wears a wallet chain?!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
love makes seman taste better
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
