He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
