I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
