i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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