dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Randomize
