you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
