...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
