He is such a slut. More and more my type.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Houston, we have a blender
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize