Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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