every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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