im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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