he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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