"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
how does that bad decision feel?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
