Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
