Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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