Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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