CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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