last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
