she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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