...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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