Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My bed smells like the plague
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
