the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Randomize
