Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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