Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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