I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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