I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize