Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How's work?
Spinning.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
