We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
