apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
