Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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