dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
