I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
