i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
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Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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