Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
