Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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