Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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