i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
