For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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