Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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