Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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