Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
