I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
