i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Your penis caused this!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize