I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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