so explain again why im purple
no
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
