What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
