just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
