It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
