Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
