It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
