i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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