he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
