I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize